Asking Price: $1,099,900

Mom always said that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. So, here goes: this 4-bedroom 2.5 bath 2,114 square foot home in a highly desirable neighborhood has a panoramic view. Period. Okay, we'll say a bit more, but this one isn't for the squeamish. If you are looking for an original condition home that's mostly functional, you've come to the right place. As you approach the home, the mossy roof, patchy paint, and mismatched hardware on the front door hint at the contents within. Downstairs, wall-to-wall industrial-grade deep-jungle-green carpet covers the living room, dining room, stairs, separate family room, and kitchen nook. Helpfully, the decorative ripples in the carpet distract from the faded paint and dated light fixtures. As you approach the back of the home, you get a hint of the panoramic view through some of the foggy original windows found throughout. For example, the downstairs bedroom has a view through windows with integrated blinds that are stuck in position. We call that "low-maintenance." The kitchen that opens to the family room shares the view and shares a quirk that other rooms with faucets and handles in the home have--the faucet is stuck in place. While the backyard promises privacy, the downstairs bathroom doesn't. It doesn't have a door. (Door may be in garage, but no guarantees) Upstairs, we hope you like it warm, because the A/C doesn't work and the windows in the large primary bedroom let in lots of light...and nice breezes if you can get them to open. The upstairs bathrooms break up the green carpet with linoleum, but we